I was recently speaking with a “Christian” teen who was sharing the same row as me on a leg of my flight. I told her about this story and asked her opinion. She said that her mom watches over every single thing that she does. Off the record, she told me, she basically has become superbly good at being sneaky about everything she does. A kind of double life.

The one time she tried to be honest with her mom, things went terribly wrong, and she ended up being sent to some kind of Christian reform camp that sounded horrifying.

The techniques she described being used on her at the camp sound like basic cult brainwashing techniques.

When I asked her about practicing safe sex – she just looked at me blankly – like she didn’t really know exactly what I was talking about. It seemed like to her safe sex meant abstinence – and she wasn’t practicing abstinence.

Well, there you have it. Another Puritanical sex education success story!

Oh, by the way – she’s 19.

What really strikes terror into my heart is thinking that I’m supposed to know things when I don’t. Thinking that I have to pretend to know things to be loved, and then not ever believing that someone could really love a hypocrite like me – least of all me! Love myself, that is. 

So yes, getting comfortable with not knowing (I actually find it quite exciting) and trusting the expression that comes from there might be a key to the door of my personal hell.

Come to think of it, I don’t know what would be so bad about not being loved. I don’t even know if it’s possible. I don’t even really believe that “knowing things” has ever gotten me love. I’ve just swallowed that idea whole. Hmmm. I’d be less attached to my thoughts if I didn’t really think I knew anything.

Feels more open. Thanks for reading… if you have… whoever you are!

Freely,

~Madelon

I am reminded of my late teen years of sneaking out in the night to meet my love, rolling up a make-believe dummy in my bed, praying my father would not notice me missing before my early morning return.

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How awesome it is for young people to be tapping into their own body’s wisdom, to begin to delight in their fertility and cycle.  How empowering to make love without fear of dis-ease or death.

Imagine complete expression of the ALL of who you are…. in the deepest of safety.

It is an amazing responsibility to share in this wisdom and guide those who are asking for this healing.

be blest